[Sense of] Safety First!

This month I learned a powerful lesson while witnessing my four year old in swimming lessons.

He went from pronouncing he would “never ever ever go back to swimming class,” to lamenting it’s not in our daily routine. His second and third lessons were filled with tears and straight up refusal to leave my lap. By the fourth lesson? Beaming smiles in the water. Feelings of victory (for both him and me).

The jump from fearing water in his face (and up his nose) to paddling from the pool wall to his teacher didn’t require much time, or even a significant shift in physical capacity. In this case, expressing his fears and establishing trust in the learning process brought the sense of safety that he needed.

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In my work, I see a similar pattern in working with prenatal students. I’m often asked what exercises are “safe” to do during pregnancy.

I completely understand and empathize with that question. I have absolutely felt the overwhelm that comes from trying to sift through the constant stream of noisy information. However, I try not to give airtime to any perspective that implies we’re not inherently safe in our bodies.

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We’re not taught how to feel safe in our bodies. We’re more often taught to disengage, ignore, or blatantly disregard our instincts.

The catch here is, we can only learn when we perceive safety. In order to receive new information or a new experience, a sense of safety is required.

While our outer world, life circumstances, and support systems (or lack of) can most certainly play a role, the work of sensing safety in our body is an inside job. (To be clear, we’re talking up the pyramid of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. This is all a moot point if our biological and physical safety needs are not met.)

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For my child, that was a little bit of coaching and deconstructing his fears, or perceived safety threat.

For a pregnant woman, some reassurance that her body is on her side can begin the shift toward trust and honoring the wisdom of her body.

For me, the daily practice of speaking the body’s language (movement) has taught me to notice when perceived threats arise in my body and how to communicate messages of safety back to myself.

A tool that requires no other authority but your own can bring a powerful sense of trust and safety to your inner world.

Up next time: practical tools and practices to create more safety from the inside out.